Regretting the life you didn't live
The Bhaddekaratta verses begin by telling the reader not to chase the past or reach for the future, since the one is gone and the other has not come. They do not say the past was unimportant. The canon's teaching on remorse is plainer still — what is done cannot be undone — and it turns that admission toward what is done next rather than toward the replay. Regret for a road not taken is not quite remorse, since often no wrong was done, but the shape is similar: the loss is real, and the story rerun every night is added to it. The suttas will not tell you whether you chose well. They point at the present, which is where anything can still be chosen.
What the suttas say
Don’t run back to the past, don’t anticipate the future. What’s past is left behind, the future has not arrived; and any present phenomenon you clearly discern in every case. The unfaltering, the unshakable: having known that, foster it.
The Bhaddekaratta verses — letting go of the chase after what is gone and what has not yet come, in favour of what is here.
Where this stops: The verses go on to urge effort today, since no one knows whether death comes tomorrow; they are about where attention goes, not a dismissal of planning or of a past that still needs repair.
MN 131:3.1–3.8 · One Fine Night
Atītaṁ nānvāgameyya, nappaṭikaṅkhe anāgataṁ; Yadatītaṁ pahīnaṁ taṁ, appattañca anāgataṁ. Paccuppannañca yo dhammaṁ, Tattha tattha vipassati; Asaṁhīraṁ asaṅkuppaṁ, Taṁ vidvā manubrūhaye.
If, while checking in this way, you know: ‘This act with the body that I have done leads to hurting myself, hurting others, or hurting both. It’s unskillful, with suffering as its outcome and result.’ Then, Rāhula, you should confess, reveal, and clarify such a deed to the Teacher or a sensible spiritual companion. And having revealed it you should restrain yourself in future.
The Buddha's instruction to his own son — the full arc — check, confess, restrain.
Where this stops: For an act that did harm. It is not for guilt where nothing wrong was done, such as a carer who cannot do everything or someone afraid that wanting a child is selfish.
MN 61:11.4–11.7 · Advice to Rāhula at Ambalaṭṭhika
Sace kho tvaṁ, rāhula, paccavekkhamāno evaṁ jāneyyāsi: ‘yaṁ kho ahaṁ idaṁ kāyena kammaṁ akāsiṁ, idaṁ me kāyakammaṁ attabyābādhāyapi saṁvattati, parabyābādhāyapi saṁvattati, ubhayabyābādhāyapi saṁvattati— akusalaṁ idaṁ kāyakammaṁ dukkhudrayaṁ dukkhavipākan’ti, evarūpaṁ te, rāhula, kāyakammaṁ satthari vā viññūsu vā sabrahmacārīsu desetabbaṁ, vivaritabbaṁ, uttānīkātabbaṁ; desetvā vivaritvā uttānīkatvā āyatiṁ saṁvaraṁ āpajjitabbaṁ.
Eye consciousness arises dependent on the eye and sights. The meeting of the three is contact. Contact is a requirement for feeling. What you feel, you perceive. What you perceive, you think about. What you think about, you proliferate. What you proliferate is the source from which judgments driven by proliferating perceptions beset a person. This occurs with respect to sights known by the eye in the past, future, and present. Ear consciousness arises dependent on the ear and sounds. … Nose consciousness arises dependent on the nose and smells. … Tongue consciousness arises dependent on the tongue and tastes. … Body consciousness arises dependent on the body and touches. … Mind consciousness arises dependent on the mind and ideas. The meeting of the three is contact. Contact is a requirement for feeling. What you feel, you perceive. What you perceive, you think about. What you think about, you proliferate. What you proliferate is the source from which judgments driven by proliferating perceptions beset a person. This occurs with respect to ideas known by the mind in the past, future, and present.
Shows how the mind builds, step by step, on a single contact and feeling until its own elaborations crowd in. DharmAI reads this as one account of how rumination grows, which can help a reader notice where it starts.
Where this stops: Describes how proliferation arises, using the eye as the example; proliferation here is wider than worry, the mind's elaboration of anything it perceives. The passage gives no method for stopping it and passes no judgement on someone worrying about a real problem.
MN 18:16.1–16.6 · The Honey-Cake
Cakkhuñcāvuso, paṭicca rūpe ca uppajjati cakkhuviññāṇaṁ, tiṇṇaṁ saṅgati phasso, phassapaccayā vedanā, yaṁ vedeti taṁ sañjānāti, yaṁ sañjānāti taṁ vitakketi, yaṁ vitakketi taṁ papañceti, yaṁ papañceti tatonidānaṁ purisaṁ papañcasaññāsaṅkhā samudācaranti atītānāgatapaccuppannesu cakkhuviññeyyesu rūpesu. Sotañcāvuso, paṭicca sadde ca uppajjati sotaviññāṇaṁ …pe… ghānañcāvuso, paṭicca gandhe ca uppajjati ghānaviññāṇaṁ …pe… jivhañcāvuso, paṭicca rase ca uppajjati jivhāviññāṇaṁ …pe… kāyañcāvuso, paṭicca phoṭṭhabbe ca uppajjati kāyaviññāṇaṁ …pe… manañcāvuso, paṭicca dhamme ca uppajjati manoviññāṇaṁ, tiṇṇaṁ saṅgati phasso, phassapaccayā vedanā, yaṁ vedeti taṁ sañjānāti, yaṁ sañjānāti taṁ vitakketi, yaṁ vitakketi taṁ papañceti, yaṁ papañceti tatonidānaṁ purisaṁ papañcasaññāsaṅkhā samudācaranti atītānāgatapaccuppannesu manoviññeyyesu dhammesu.
“Living in the wilderness, peaceful spiritual practitioners eat just one meal a day: so why is their complexion so clear?” “They don’t grieve for the past, nor do they pray for the future; they feed on whatever comes that day, that’s why their complexion’s so clear. Because they pray for the future, and grieve for the past, fools wither away, like a green reed mowed down.”
Close to the Bhaddekaratta verses' point about past and future, in a shorter and plainer form, and tied to something visible, a calm face, rather than to an ideal.
Where this stops: Spoken of renunciant monks; it says nothing against remembering or planning, only against mourning and hankering.
SN 1.10:2.1–4.4 · Wilderness
“Araññe viharantānaṁ, santānaṁ brahmacārinaṁ; Ekabhattaṁ bhuñjamānānaṁ, kena vaṇṇo pasīdatī”ti. “Atītaṁ nānusocanti, nappajappanti nāgataṁ; Paccuppannena yāpenti, tena vaṇṇo pasīdati. Anāgatappajappāya, atītassānusocanā; Etena bālā sussanti, naḷova harito luto”ti.
That’s not right, it’s not good, and I feel remorseful because of it. But I can’t undo what I have done.’ Reflecting like this, they give up lying, and in future they refrain from lying.
Remorse with its proper size — felt, named, and then turned into giving up the deed.
Where this stops: The sutta goes on to say that with a heart of boundless love no limited deed remains in force; that is about the mind's release, not about consequences to others disappearing.
SN 42.8:10.3–10.4 · A Horn Blower
Yaṁ kho pana mayā musā bhaṇitaṁ yāvatakaṁ vā tāvatakaṁ vā taṁ na suṭṭhu, taṁ na sādhu. Ahañceva kho pana tappaccayā vippaṭisārī assaṁ, na metaṁ pāpaṁ kammaṁ akataṁ bhavissatī’ti. So iti paṭisaṅkhāya tañceva musāvādaṁ pajahati, āyatiñca musāvādā paṭivirato hoti.