Being hard on yourself
The suttas rarely address self-criticism by name — this is one place the canon is thinner than the modern need — but they are exact about the second arrow, the distress added on top of a pain that has already landed. Where they run out, they run out; a good teacher or a good therapist has more to say here than a passage does.
What the suttas say
When an unlearned ordinary person experiences painful physical feelings they sorrow and wail and lament, beating their breast and falling into confusion. They experience two feelings: physical and mental. It’s like a person who is struck with an arrow, only to be struck with a second arrow. That person experiences the feeling of two arrows. In the same way, when an unlearned ordinary person experiences painful physical feelings they sorrow and wail and lament, beating their breast and falling into confusion. They experience two feelings: physical and mental.
The distinction between the pain and the reaction to the pain.
Where this stops: The sutta grants that the first arrow lands on everyone, including the awakened.
SN 36.6:1.5–1.13 · An Arrow
assutavā, bhikkhave, puthujjano dukkhāya vedanāya phuṭṭho samāno socati kilamati paridevati urattāḷiṁ kandati sammohaṁ āpajjati. So dve vedanā vedayati— kāyikañca, cetasikañca. Seyyathāpi, bhikkhave, purisaṁ sallena vijjheyya. Tamenaṁ dutiyena sallena anuvedhaṁ vijjheyya. Evañhi so, bhikkhave, puriso dvisallena vedanaṁ vedayati. Evameva kho, bhikkhave, assutavā puthujjano dukkhāya vedanāya phuṭṭho samāno socati kilamati paridevati urattāḷiṁ kandati sammohaṁ āpajjati. So dve vedanā vedayati— kāyikañca, cetasikañca.
Don’t run back to the past, don’t anticipate the future. What’s past is left behind, the future has not arrived; and any present phenomenon you clearly discern in every case. The unfaltering, the unshakable: having known that, foster it.
The Bhaddekaratta verses — letting go of the chase after what is gone and what has not yet come, in favour of what is here.
Where this stops: The verses go on to urge effort today, since no one knows whether death comes tomorrow; they are about where attention goes, not a dismissal of planning or of a past that still needs repair.
MN 131:3.1–3.8 · One Fine Night
Atītaṁ nānvāgameyya, nappaṭikaṅkhe anāgataṁ; Yadatītaṁ pahīnaṁ taṁ, appattañca anāgataṁ. Paccuppannañca yo dhammaṁ, Tattha tattha vipassati; Asaṁhīraṁ asaṅkuppaṁ, Taṁ vidvā manubrūhaye.
“But when your harp’s strings were tuned neither too tight nor too slack, but fixed at an even tension, was it resonant and playable?” “Yes, sir.” In the same way, Soṇa, when energy is too forceful it leads to restlessness. When energy is too slack it leads to laziness.
The classic instruction on balancing effort.
AN 6.55:6.1–7.1 · With Soṇa
“Yadā pana te, soṇa, vīṇāya tantiyo na accāyatā honti nātisithilā same guṇe patiṭṭhitā, api nu te vīṇā tasmiṁ samaye saravatī vā hoti kammaññā vā”ti? “Evaṁ, bhante”. Evamevaṁ kho, soṇa, accāraddhavīriyaṁ uddhaccāya saṁvattati, atisithilavīriyaṁ kosajjāya saṁvattati.
Eye consciousness arises dependent on the eye and sights. The meeting of the three is contact. Contact is a requirement for feeling. What you feel, you perceive. What you perceive, you think about. What you think about, you proliferate. What you proliferate is the source from which judgments driven by proliferating perceptions beset a person. This occurs with respect to sights known by the eye in the past, future, and present. Ear consciousness arises dependent on the ear and sounds. … Nose consciousness arises dependent on the nose and smells. … Tongue consciousness arises dependent on the tongue and tastes. … Body consciousness arises dependent on the body and touches. … Mind consciousness arises dependent on the mind and ideas. The meeting of the three is contact. Contact is a requirement for feeling. What you feel, you perceive. What you perceive, you think about. What you think about, you proliferate. What you proliferate is the source from which judgments driven by proliferating perceptions beset a person. This occurs with respect to ideas known by the mind in the past, future, and present.
Shows how the mind builds, step by step, on a single contact and feeling until its own elaborations crowd in. DharmAI reads this as one account of how rumination grows, which can help a reader notice where it starts.
Where this stops: Describes how proliferation arises, using the eye as the example; proliferation here is wider than worry, the mind's elaboration of anything it perceives. The passage gives no method for stopping it and passes no judgement on someone worrying about a real problem.
MN 18:16.1–16.6 · The Honey-Cake
Cakkhuñcāvuso, paṭicca rūpe ca uppajjati cakkhuviññāṇaṁ, tiṇṇaṁ saṅgati phasso, phassapaccayā vedanā, yaṁ vedeti taṁ sañjānāti, yaṁ sañjānāti taṁ vitakketi, yaṁ vitakketi taṁ papañceti, yaṁ papañceti tatonidānaṁ purisaṁ papañcasaññāsaṅkhā samudācaranti atītānāgatapaccuppannesu cakkhuviññeyyesu rūpesu. Sotañcāvuso, paṭicca sadde ca uppajjati sotaviññāṇaṁ …pe… ghānañcāvuso, paṭicca gandhe ca uppajjati ghānaviññāṇaṁ …pe… jivhañcāvuso, paṭicca rase ca uppajjati jivhāviññāṇaṁ …pe… kāyañcāvuso, paṭicca phoṭṭhabbe ca uppajjati kāyaviññāṇaṁ …pe… manañcāvuso, paṭicca dhamme ca uppajjati manoviññāṇaṁ, tiṇṇaṁ saṅgati phasso, phassapaccayā vedanā, yaṁ vedeti taṁ sañjānāti, yaṁ sañjānāti taṁ vitakketi, yaṁ vitakketi taṁ papañceti, yaṁ papañceti tatonidānaṁ purisaṁ papañcasaññāsaṅkhā samudācaranti atītānāgatapaccuppannesu manoviññeyyesu dhammesu.
In the same way, when the mind is restless, it’s the wrong time to develop the awakening factors of investigation of principles, energy, and rapture. Why is that? Because it’s hard to settle a restless mind with these things. When the mind is restless, it’s the right time to develop the awakening factors of tranquility, immersion, and equanimity.
Which factors to develop when agitated versus sluggish.
SN 46.53:12.1–13.1 · Fire
Evameva kho, bhikkhave, yasmiṁ samaye uddhataṁ cittaṁ hoti, akālo tasmiṁ samaye dhammavicayasambojjhaṅgassa bhāvanāya, akālo vīriyasambojjhaṅgassa bhāvanāya, akālo pītisambojjhaṅgassa bhāvanāya. Taṁ kissa hetu? Uddhataṁ, bhikkhave, cittaṁ taṁ etehi dhammehi duvūpasamayaṁ hoti. Yasmiñca kho, bhikkhave, samaye uddhataṁ cittaṁ hoti, kālo tasmiṁ samaye passaddhisambojjhaṅgassa bhāvanāya, kālo samādhisambojjhaṅgassa bhāvanāya, kālo upekkhāsambojjhaṅgassa bhāvanāya.