When anger keeps coming up with a partner

Irritation with the person closest to us is usually not about the dishes. The suttas treat anger as something received and then fed, and they are unusually concrete about what to do with it: notice what is being handed to you and whether to accept it, watch the cost, and speak only when it is true, timely, gentle, and useful. They do not ask you to feel nothing. What they don't do is arbitrate the argument, and if the anger is a signal about the relationship itself, that is a conversation for a person, not a passage.

What the suttas say

“Mendicants, a mendicant should use these five ways to completely get rid of resentment when it has arisen toward anyone. What five? You should develop love for an individual you resent. That’s how to get rid of resentment for that individual. You should develop compassion for an individual you resent. … You should develop equanimity for an individual you resent. … You should disregard an individual you resent, paying no attention to them. … You should focus on the ownership of deeds regarding that individual: ‘This venerable is the owner of their deeds and heir to their deeds. Deeds are their womb, their relative, and their refuge. They shall be the heir of whatever deeds they do, whether good or bad.’ That’s how to get rid of resentment for that individual. A mendicant should use these five ways to completely get rid of resentment when it has arisen toward anyone.”
A practical list — love, compassion, equanimity, not attending, reflecting on kamma.
Where this stops: Reflecting that people own their deeds is never a way to call someone's misfortune their kamma, and putting down resentment is never a reason to stay near someone who keeps doing harm.
AN 5.161:1.1–1.15 · Getting Rid of Resentment (1st)
“In the same way, prince, the Realized One does not utter speech that he knows to be untrue, false, and pointless, and which is disliked by others. The Realized One does not utter speech that he knows to be true and correct, but which is harmful and disliked by others. The Realized One knows the right time to speak so as to explain what he knows to be true, correct, and beneficial, but which is disliked by others. The Realized One does not utter speech that he knows to be untrue, false, and pointless, but which is liked by others. The Realized One does not utter speech that he knows to be true and correct, but which is harmful, even if it is liked by others. The Realized One knows the right time to speak so as to explain what he knows to be true, correct, and beneficial, and which is liked by others. Why is that? Because the Realized One has sympathy for sentient beings.”
Prince Abhaya — the test for whether and when to say a hard thing.
Where this stops: For deciding whether and when to say one particular hard thing; it does not judge a relationship as a whole, and it is not a reason to say nothing. Nor does it mean anyone owes another person news about their own body, health or pregnancy, or should speak when speaking would put them at risk.
MN 58:8.1–8.8 · With Prince Abhaya
“Do you then serve them with fresh and cooked foods and savories?” “Sometimes I do.” “But if they don’t accept it, brahmin, who does it belong to?” “In that case it still belongs to me.” In the same way, brahmin, when you abuse, harass, and attack us who do not abuse, harass, and attack, we don’t accept it. It still belongs to you, brahmin, it still belongs to you! Someone who, when abused, harassed, and attacked, abuses, harasses, and attacks in return is said to eat the food and have a reaction to it. But we neither eat your food nor do we have a reaction to it.
Declining to take in what someone hurls at you in anger, the way a guest can leave a dish untouched.
Where this stops: Concerns how abuse is received inwardly; it is no reason to stay where someone keeps abusing you.
SN 7.2:2.5–3.2 · With Bhāradvāja the Rude
“Mendicants, speech that has five factors is well spoken, not poorly spoken. It’s blameless and is not criticized by sensible people. What five? It is speech that is timely, true, gentle, beneficial, and loving. Speech with these five factors is well spoken, not poorly spoken. It’s blameless and is not criticized by sensible people.”
The five factors of well-spoken speech.
AN 5.198:1.1–1.4 · Well-Spoken Words
Mendicants, these seven things that please and assist an enemy happen to an irritable woman or man. What seven? Firstly, an enemy wishes for an enemy: ‘If only they’d become ugly!’ Why is that? Because an enemy doesn’t like to have a beautiful enemy. An irritable individual, overcome and overwhelmed by anger, is ugly, even though they’re nicely bathed and anointed, with hair and beard dressed, and wearing white clothes. This is the first thing that pleases and assists an enemy which happens to an irritable woman or man.
One cost of anger shown plainly, framed as doing an enemy's work for them; useful when someone feels their anger is justified.
Where this stops: Only the frame and the first of the seven are in this range; do not cite the other six from it. Looking ugly is how the sutta says anger shows, not a judgement of anyone's appearance.
AN 7.64:1.1–1.9 · Irritable

Bring your own situation.